weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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