I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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