Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
