She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Randomize
