Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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