I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
