I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
