I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize