Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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