My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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