I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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