I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
