Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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