I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
