i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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