So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize