Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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