i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm way too hungover for life right now
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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