He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
