im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
