you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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