I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
