he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
