Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
