I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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