Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let the clothes fall where they may.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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