the new term for farting is butt boxing.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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