Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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