i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
