now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
