so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
