It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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