Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
