My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
