How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
