Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
