i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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