he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it hurts more in the daytime
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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