when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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