I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
