She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
