could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
