Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize