things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
