it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just had sex on a roof
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
