____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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