1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
