I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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