Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
where does the pee come out of this thing
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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