Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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