You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
