You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What changed your mind?
Being sober
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
How does one acquire holy water?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
