I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize