Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
