Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
