Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
