Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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