Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
