just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
