She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize