I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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