I feel like I'm in dance class right now
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
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