I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
