we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
