so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
