i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
