Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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