You can't special order awesome
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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