I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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