Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
