I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
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