so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
