I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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