i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
