i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
