so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
