whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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