Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
