hotel room ftw
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
