He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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