Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
