I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
