Moan for me like Helen Keller
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Sext me about skeletons
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
