Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
