Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
