My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
worst night to have a conscience
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
