She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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