Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
two words...techno handjob
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
