she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
