i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
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