Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
