hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
