friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
