This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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