My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
