just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
do nipples grow back?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
