i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
