you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
