still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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