he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
